Car

Transportation Tango car

By Mayra Flores · The Mainstream
Published Fubruary 22, 2012

Everyone knows that long car rides make for a boring trip, right? Wrong! Here are five things I’ve learned about traveling to UCC:

Animals are unpredictable:

Animals love to show off. And I’m not talking about a glimpse here or there. No, they love to be seen. So as I’m running late to school—again— trying to speed secretly down my carpooling buddy’s driveway, one decides it’s ShowTime. So begins my transportation tango. He was a handsome quail, and he knew it as he decided to parade in front of my mad dash to punctuality. What could I do? What else but to weave my way around him beginning our dance. I would swing right, and he would follow. I would swing to the left, and there he would be. As the seconds ticked by, I finally gave up and let him parade around while visions of colorful hats made of quail feathers swam through my mind. Finally I got to my destination. As I explained my tardiness to my buddy and we started back down her driveway, she exclaimed, “Oh look the pheasants are out!”

Lesson Learned: When taking biology, take better notes!

Road construction schedule: What schedules?!!!!

Whenever you are running early, there is never road construction. As I was racing down the freeway trying to avoid the cops and thinking, “Yes!!!! I’m going to make it on time!!!!”  I reached my exit and I suddenly realized that “no, I wasn’t.”  My hopes were shattered by the flash of a big red octagon shaped sign when my turn arrived to finally turn on to College Road. My late streak would remain rock solid.

Lesson Learned: When staring flaggers down, wear a scarier face.

Grand Theft Auto …Parking Spot

Finding a great parking spot is like finding gold; it’s a rare and highly valued commodity. Not only do you get bragging rights over your friends’ bad parking spots, but you also get the downright satisfaction of knowing you will have a shorter distance to walk in the rain than they will. Just like in the game of grand theft auto, however, people will try to steal what rightfully belongs to you.  That’s right! If you spot it first, it’s yours! So what do you do? Pull a fast one, unless you’re driving a 1989 Buick Regal Custom, in which case it’s totally acceptable to bow out.

Lesson Learned: Not all battles are meant to be won.

Chicken soup does not speed up time, especially if you’re vegetarian

As revenge for my routine tardiness, my carpool buddy decided that staying a few hours after school would cure me of my bad morning habit. While the minutes slowly ticked by, and I began to expire of hunger, The Mainstream adviser offered me chicken soup.

 Now most people would jump for joy at the offer of free food. Why wasn’t I? Probably because I suffer from a rare trait called vegetarianism.

But how could I say this to the one person who offered me freedom from my hunger pains? I simply couldn’t. As I accepted my fate of withering away to nothing, my “eloquent” carpool buddy very tactfully said, “She’s vegetarian.”

Lesson Learned: When picking your carpool mates, be sure they at least own a watch.

So what DOES work on my commute car?

Nothing is better at the end of a long school day than relaxing to music on your way home in a nice, warm car. But when a car was made before you were born, it begins to develop a mind of its own. In order to start her up every day, you must use loving words. When kind words fail you, a loving tone will do -- usually. The heater works, but very slowly, making the ride to school like driving a convertible in Antarctica! And who doesn’t love an awkward silence or two.  That’s right; the radio is long dead, and when it expired it decided to take a friend, the clock. So although my days begin and end at 12:11, I’m just thankful that at least my gas gauge works so I won’t get stranded on the side of the road gasless, unless of course I do.

Lesson Learned: Not all things are better with age

Although long car trips are normally boring and dull, I believe that I will never have to worry about this problem so long as I continue to carpool!

The Mainstream is a student publication of Umpqua Community College.